Train Up A Child Day 16

So what about the day when you know you have poured the pure Word of God into the heart of your child and yet they run in the opposite direction. What about the day when you look at them and you question why you even bothered to invest so much time, energy, and prayers into their lives because they have thrown it all back up in your face. What about the day when you cry out to God because you can't figure out where you went wrong...

What about that day?  

Train Up A Child Day Sixteen

16.  Train them remembering continually the promises of Scripture.
   
I name this also shortly, in order to guard you against discouragement.  You have a plain promise on your side, "Train up your child in the way he should go, and when he is old he shall not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6).  Think what it is to have a promise like this. 

Promises were the only lamp of hope which cheered the hearts of the patriarchs before the Bible was written.  Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, — all lived on a few promises, and prospered in their souls. 

Promises are the cordials which in every age have supported and strengthened the believer.  He that has got a plain text upon his side need never be cast down.  Fathers and mothers, when your hearts are failing, and ready to halt, look at the word of this text, and take comfort.
   
Think who it is that promises.  It is not the word of a man, who may lie or repent; it is the word of the King of kings, who never changes.  Hath He said a thing, and shall He not do it? Or hath He spoken, and shall He not make it good? Neither is anything too hard for Him to perform.  The things that are impossible with men are possible with God. 

Reader, if we get not the benefit of the promise we are dwelling upon, the fault is not in Him, but in ourselves.
   
Think, too, what the promise contains, before you refuse to take comfort from it.  It speaks of a certain time when good training shall especially bear fruit, — "when a child is old." Surely there is comfort in this.  You may not see with your own eyes the result of careful training, but you know not what blessed fruits may not spring from it, long after you are dead and gone. 

It is not God’s way to give everything at once.  "Afterwards’ is the time when He often chooses to work, both in the things of nature and in the things of grace. "Afterward" is the season when affliction bears the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Heb. 12:11).  "Afterward" was the time when the son who refused to work in his father’s vineyard repented and went (Matt. 21:29).  And "afterward" is the time to which parents must look forward if they see not success at once, — you must sow in hope and plant in hope.
   
Cast thy bread upon the waters," saith the Spirit, "for thou shalt find it after many days" (Eceles. 11:1).  Many children, I doubt not, shall rise up in the day of judgment, and bless their parents for good training, who never gave any signs of having profited by it during their parents’ lives. 

Go forward then in faith, and be sure that your labour shall not be altogether thrown away.  Three times did Elijah stretch himself upon the widow’s child before it revived.  Take example from him, and persevere.

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So what about that day?

On that day precious one... stand.

Stand on the promises of God.

Stand on the seed that you planted and pray for rain.

Trust that God is the one who reaps the harvest.

Walk by faith and not by sight.

Many times we selfishly want to see the results of all our efforts, but often it is not for us to see, lest we take credit for what belongs only to God...

All is for His glory.

So if your child is in rebellion, rebellion against you and rebellion against God and you know with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind that you trained them up in the way that they should go... that way being to walk in obedience to the Creator God, their Savior and Redeemer... then trust that you did not toil in vain.

Therefore, my beloved brethren,

be steadfast,

immovable,

always abounding in the work of the Lord,

knowing that your toil

is not in vain in the Lord.

1 Corinthians 15:58

holding fast the word of life,

so that in the day of Christ

I will have reason to glory

because I did not run in vain

nor toil in vain.

Philippians 2:16

You Mom...

and

You Dad...

Obey God... and leave the consequences to Him.

Strong Enough

So have you ever had one of those segments in time of life where you felt completely overwhelmed but really just could not figure out why...

I am there...

It's a weird place.

I heard this song coming home today:

I am in a time right now where I feel like I am never going to "catch up". It's the never ending running behind syndrome... not being able to relax because you know you have to be forgetting to do something... but for the life of you, you can't think of what it is...

I heard the words to this song "You must, You must think I'm strong, to give me what I'm going through... "

No temptation has overtaken you

but such as is common to man;

and God is faithful,

who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able,

but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also,

so that you will be able to endure it. 

2 Corinthians 10:13

The truth is I am not going through anything right now in comparison to what many are going through... but right now I am in a place of internal struggles, internal turmoil, my mind can't settle... the "to do" list has not even helped... ugh it's frustrating. I feel detached if that makes any sense... kind of on the outside looking in sorta thing. I can feel the walls of self protection trying to go up...

Yep, it's a weird place

But I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength... even sort out this crazy brain of mine.

While this song was playing my youngest said "Momma, you know you really didn't give me life... Jesus did." 

I then said, "Yes, He just let me give birth to you and then trusted me with you to raise."

Then she said "Momma, you can't do all things in Christ here on earth."

I just looked at her with a question.

She then said, "You can't fly in Christ when you're here. You have to learn to walk before you can fly..."  

Oh me... I guess I am still learning to walk... but oh how I long to fly.

There's just nothing like having God speak to you through your seven year old child :-)

Train Up A Child Day 15

Oh no... not my child!
Never my child... they would never...
They know better... 
I have taught them better.
Surely I can trust them... 

Let me ask you... how well can you trust your own heart?

Train Up A Child Day Fifteen

15.  Train them.  remembering continually the power of sin.
   
I name this shortly, in order to guard you against unscriptural expectations.  You must not expect to find your children’s minds a sheet of pure white paper, and to have no trouble if you only use right means.  I warn you plainly you will find no such thing. 

It is painful to see how much corruption and evil there is in a young child’s heart, and how soon it begins to bear fruit.  Violent tempers, self- will, pride, envy, sullenness, passion, idleness, selfishness, deceit, cunning, falsehood, hypocrisy, a terrible aptness to learn what is bad, a painful slowness to learn what is good, a readiness to pretend anything in order to gain their own ends, — all these things, or some of them, you must be prepared to see, even in your own flesh and blood. In little ways they will creep out at a very early age; it is almost startling to observe how naturally they seem to spring up. 

Children require no schooling to learn to sin.
   
But you must not be discouraged and cast down by what you see. You must not think it a strange and unusual thing, that little hearts can be so full of sin.  It is the only portion which our father Adam left us; it is that fallen nature with which we come into the world; it is that inheritance which belongs to us all.

Let it rather make you more diligent in using every means which seem most likely, by God’s blessing, to counteract the mischief.  Let it make you more and more careful, so far as in you lies, to keep your children out of the way of temptation.
   
Never listen to those who tell you your children are good, and well brought up, and can be trusted.  Think rather that their hearts are always inflammable as tinder.  At their very best, they only want a spark to set their corruptions alight.  Parents are seldom too cautious.  Remember the natural depravity of your children, and take care.

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My parents will tell you this day that the worst thing they ever did was trust us girls.

And it's true.

You see I was raised right.

In a wonderful loving home.

However I found trouble... then I went looking for it.

My parents were fairly strict compared to the parents of many of my friends. I thought they were ridiculously strict. So strict that I would lie and twist and omit information in order to get to do what I wanted. I was able to do this because my parents trusted me. You see I had learned to use their trust in me against them.

I can honestly tell you today that I wish my parents had not trusted me so much. I would rather have the stricter, less trusting parents, than the regrets I carry today. It wasn't that I was a "bad person" I simply just did not understand the power of my sinful heart. I had not the knowledge or spiritual maturity to discern good and evil. I didn't understand the evil until I was neck deep in the consequences.

What I have come to learn is that it's not about whether or not I trust my children... it's about being always fully aware of the pull of their sin nature and being fully aware that their hearts will lie to them just as quickly as my heart will lie to me.

I do not put myself in certain situations for the simple reason of guarding my heart, my mind, and my integrity... I have to teach my children to do that by my own example first and then while doing it for them until they understand how to do it themselves.

When I was first wholly surrendered I really thought that if I poured enough Scripture into them and then if I surrounded them with all the right friends, all would be great and wonderful... but here's what I learned... I can't trust the hearts of their friends either.

Having worked in the youth ministry... I heart-wrenchingly have come to learn that things are not always as they appear. I learned that the same church kids that gossiped and ridiculed me about my sin and yet never invited me to know Christ nor even just invited me to church... were still alive and well in the church today. 

I learned that the kids who had strong believing parents and were leaders in their youth group on Sunday's and Wednesday's were also still the leaders on Friday and Saturday night's parties and the ones having sex outside of wedlock... even though I had myself poured my own brokenness from these actions into their ears. 

I had an eye opening experience that I could not control them nor my own children through controlling their environment and by using the "just say no" campaign.  

I thought that keeping my children in church would be enough... but I learned that it's not. Because it's not about today's idea of 'church'... it's about their hearts. I have to teach my children to recognize the power of their sin nature and I have to teach my children that their hearts will deceive them. I have to teach them how to recognize the liar, the deceiver, the murderer of their souls. I have to teach them how to walk through the valley of the shadow of death... not live trying to keep them away from that valley... because I can't. I have to teach my children not from the "if" but from the "when".

So it shall be when all of these things have come upon you...

Deuteronomy 30:1

I can't just put a set a blinders on them and say keep to the path.

I can't just place them in a shark cage and say now you will not be attacked.

I can't just strap on a safety harness and say now you will never fall.

I have to prepare them for what to do when the blinders come off and they stray to the left or the right and get lost in this life. I have to teach them the tools they will need to get back on the path. When the cage breaks and the sharks attack, I have to teach them how to defend themselves and how and where to go to find new shelter. I have to teach them how to get up when that safety harness malfunctions and they fall. If they are broken... they must know that forgiveness and healing is available. 

I solemnly charge you

in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus,

who is to judge the living and the dead,

and by His appearing

and His kingdom: 

preach the word;

be ready in season and out of season;

reprove, rebuke, exhort,

with great patience and instruction. 

For the time will come

when they will not endure sound doctrine;

but wanting to have their ears tickled,

they will accumulate for themselves

teachers in accordance to their own desires,

2 Timothy 4:1-3

The time will come in most of our children's lives that they will not endure your teaching any longer. They will seek out friends that tell them what they want to hear and will desire to go that way and not the way they have been taught... be ready.

For we do not want you to be unaware,

brethren, of our affliction

which came to us in Asia,

that we were burdened excessively,

beyond our strength,

so that we despaired even of life;

2 Corinthians 1:8

Be ready in season, when they hang on your every word and trust you completely, teach them truth.

Be ready out of season, when they think you are the most stupid people on the face of the earth who have no clue about their life or the world of today, teach them truth... "reprove, rebuke, exhort"... and do it with "great patience and instruction". Yet do not yield to their sinful desires out of fear of losing them forever... obey God and trust Him with your children... remembering always that He loves them even more than you do. 

Train Up A Child Day 14

Have you ever heard someone say, "do as I say not as I do"?
Perhaps you have used that phrase yourself...
How well has it worked out?

Train Up A Child Day Fourteen

14.  Train them remembering continually the influence; of your own example.
   
Instruction, and advice, and commands will profit little, unless they are backed up by the pattern of your own life.  Your children will never believe you are in earnest, and really wish them to obey you, so long as your actions contradict your counsel.

Archbishop Tillotson made a wise remark when he said, "To give children good instruction, and a bad example, is but beckoning to them with the head to show them the way to heaven, while we take them by the hand and lead them in the way to hell."
   
We little know the force and power of example.  No one of us can live to himself in this world; we are always influencing those around us, in one way or another, either for good or for evil, either for God or for sin. — They see our ways, they mark our conduct, they observe our behaviour, and what they see us practise, that they may fairly suppose we think right.  And never, I believe, does example tell so powerfully as it does in the case of parents and children.
   
Fathers and mothers, do not forget that children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear.  No school will make such deep marks on character as home.  The best of schoolmasters will not imprint on their minds as much as they will pick up at your fireside.  Imitation is a far stronger principle with children than memory.  What they see has a much stronger effect on their minds than what they are told.
   
Take care, then, what you do before a child.  It is a true proverb, "Who sins before a child, sins double." Strive rather to be a living epistle of Christ, such as your families can read, and that plainly too.  Be an example of reverence for the Word of God, reverence in prayer, reverence for means of grace, reverence for the Lord’s day. — Be an example in words, in temper, in diligence, in temperance, in faith, in charity, in kindness, in humility. 

Think not your children will practise what they do not see you do.  You are their model picture, and they will copy what you are.  Your reasoning and your lecturing, your wise commands and your good advice; all this they may not understand, but they can understand your life.
   
Children are very quick observers; very quick in seeing through some kinds of hypocrisy, very quick in finding out what you really think and feel, very quick in adopting all your ways and opinions.  You will often find as the father is, so is the son.
   
Remember the word that the conqueror Caesar always used to his soldiers in a battle.  He did not say "Go forward," but "Come." So it must be with you in training your children.  They will seldom learn habits which they see you despise, or walk in paths in which you do not walk yourself. 

He that preaches to his children what he does not practise, is working a work that never goes forward.  It is like the fabled web of Penelope of old, who wove all day, and unwove all night.  Even so, the parent who tries to train without setting a good example is building with one hand, and pulling down with the other.

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The simple fact is our children will do as we do... this is what they remember...
Our children and all others will always measure our words by our actions.

Do we honor with our lips while our hearts are far away?
True belief always results in matched behaviour.
We show we really believe when our lives line up with what we believe.

I am teaching a class on Spiritual Gifts... this weeks lesson is on leadership. As I have studied the Scriptures the Word of God is quite clear that leadership begins with being an example first. 

 Philip said to Him,

“Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us.” 

Jesus said to him,

“Have I been so long with you,

and yet you have not come to know Me, Philip?

He who has seen Me has seen the Father;

how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 

Do you not believe that I am in the Father,

and the Father is in Me?

The words that I say to you I do not speak on My own initiative,

but the Father abiding in Me does His works. 

Believe Me that I am in the Father

and the Father is in Me;

otherwise believe because of the works themselves.

John 14:8-11

Here, when Philip questions Jesus' words, Jesus calls him to look at His works. He reminds Him that he has been with Him, watching Him, observing Him, all this time. He tells him, if you are unsure about the reality and truth of My words look at My life... see that My actions testify that My words are true.

Do your actions testify to your children that your words are true?

Are you leading them by example?

Another View

I am typing this right now as someone who is totally spent... yet filled up and overflowing with a joy that brings tears to my eyes even now as I type...

God is good.

Having read many of my dear brothers and sisters in Christ blog posts over the past few weeks about the dangers of "celebrating" the Halloween thing and that we should just stay home and not acknowledge the day in any way... some even under the conviction that a simple fall festival should not even be put on by a church due to the fact that it was just a twisting for us as believers to be able to celebrate the season and not feel guilty about it just to get what we want...

This was one of my responses to just one of the post I read:

"The earth is the LORD’S, and all it contains, The world, and those who dwell in it." (Psalm 24:1), "Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity ...of God who makes all things." (Eccles 11:5), "For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything." (Col 1:16-18), "And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they kept right on teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ" (Acts 5:42)

Every day belongs to God... even October 31st. I refuse to bow down and let Satan have any claim on anything that belongs to God. Satan takes what belonged to God and perverts it and twists it and makes it crooked... he created nothing.
We as the church are to make straight the way, clear the path in the wilderness... we can't clear the way or shine a light shut in and hunkered down in our homes.
We are to be a testimony and witness to Christ everyday and especially when and where darkness abounds. Those who celebrate this day of darkness as the Day of Darkness do so because they desperately need Christ.
Our church does a fall drama called The Judgment Seat this week and we have had the opportunity to share Christ with over 35,000 people on this day, this season, just because we have refused to give this day over to the enemy...
I personally had the opportunity a couple of years ago at JS to spend over an hour sharing the gospel and the Word of God with two Wiccans who came through our drama... our theme that year was about witchcraft... I would have not had that opportunity if I had of been at home.
In the words of AW Tozer..."It's all about the motive"

October 31 at 8:23am" 

You see The Judgment Seat is my church's largest outreach project, financially and in every other way. It consumes our entire church body and we also must have help from our surrounding churches in the area. So it pulls the entire body of Christ together. We had Methodist serving with us, Assembly of God serving with us, and so on.... It was the entire body of Christ pulled together focused on one thing... the exaltation of Christ. 

We have chosen not to ignore this day, but to take it and use it for the Kingdom of God. Making the most of every opportunity (Eph 5:16, Col 4:5). This is what we do... and it is by no means to twist this day and use it for what we want. It is for us to be spent for Christ.

Each year our theme is prayed over and the theme for the next JS is usually chosen within weeks of the finished JS. This years theme was domestic violence and the God given responsibility of the father as the head of the household. I cannot begin to tell you the number of kids who came through who were counseled over their home life or lack of. We have a generation of orphans due to absent parents. Fathers who think they can abdicate their headship and mothers who have decided a boyfriend is more important than raising their children alone...

It is indeed heart wrenching.

This year at Judgment Seat we were able to present the gospel to 2088 souls. We know that 38 of those received Christ as their Savior this week. We know that 12 souls rededicated their lives to Christ this week. We know that 7 souls came forward to make sure they really did know Christ this week. Countless others just needed to talk...

These are who we know of because they were so moved they took the extra opportunity at the end to step out of their crowd and come and talk with one of of our counselors... however I don't know of one that came through untouched.

Here is a testimony of one of our visitors... and this is why we, at our church, do what we do...

First Time Visit At The Judgment Seat

Yes, my children dress up and go out to participate in truck or treat's.
No, we do not dress up in the gore, no witches, no vampires, no ghosts, ets.
However this year my ten year old chose to serve in Judgment Seat. She chose changing dirty diapers and helping take care of the workers kids over the candy, over the dressing up, because although we do not forbid the recognition of this day in our home, we don't build it up either.
When my kids hear Halloween, they think Judgment Seat and they can't wait for the day they are old enough to be a part of this amazing ministry to our community!

Train Up A Child Day 13

I have often heard the saying, "Well these kids didn't come with an instructions manual on how to raise them..."
The truth is... well yes they did.
It's called the Holy Bible.
Within the pages of this book is all we will ever need to know about how to raise our children... I love all the Dobson books and other ministry helps in raising children... but all you need is God's book... the rest is just secondary and should never contradict God's instructions in how to raise children.

Train Up A Child Day Thirteen  

13.  Train them remembering continually how God trains His children.
   
The Bible tells us that God has an elect people, — a family in this world.  All poor sinners who have been convinced of sin, and fled to Jesus for peace, make up that family.  All of us who really believe on Christ for salvation are its members. 

Now God the Father is ever training the members of this family for their everlasting abode with Him in heaven.  He acts as a husbandman pruning his vines, that they may bear more fruit.  He knows the character of each of us, — our besetting sins, — our weaknesses, — our peculiar infirmities, — our special wants. 

He knows our works and where we dwell, who are our companions in life, and what are our trials, what our temptations, and what are our privileges.  He knows all these things, and is ever ordering all for our good.  He allots to each of us, in His providence, the very things we need, in order to bear the most fruit, — as much of sunshine as we can stand, and as much of rain, — as much of bitter things as we can bear, and as much of sweet. 

Reader, if you would train your children wisely, mark well how God the Father trains His.  He doeth all things well; the plan which He adopts must be right.
   
See, then, how many things there are which God withholds from His children.  Few could be found, I suspect, among them who have not had desires which He has never been pleased to fulfil.  There has often been some one thing they wanted to attain, and yet there has always been some barrier to prevent attainment.  It has been just as if God was placing it above our reach, and saying, "This is not good for you; this must not be." Moses desired exceedingly to cross over Jordan, and see the goodly land of promise; but you will remember his desire was never granted.
   
See, too, how often God leads His people by ways which seem dark and mysterious to our eyes.  We cannot see the meaning of all His dealings with us; we cannot see the reasonableness of the path in which our feet are treading. 

Sometimes so many trials have assailed us, — so many difficulties encompassed us, — that we have not been able to discover the needs-be of it all.  It has been just as if our Father was taking us by the hand into a dark place and saying, "Ask no questions, but follow Me." There was a direct road from Egypt to Canaan, yet Israel was not led into it; but round, through the wilderness.  And this seemed hard at the time.  "The soul of the people," we are told, "was much discouraged because of the way" (Exod. 13:17; Num. 21:4).
   
See, also, how often God chastens His people with trial and affliction.  He sends them crosses and disappointments; He lays them low with sickness; He strips them of property and friends; He changes them from one position to another; He visits them with things most hard to flesh and blood; and some of us have well- nigh fainted under the burdens laid upon us.  We have felt pressed beyond strength, and have been almost ready to murmur at the hand which chastened us.  Paul the Apostle had a thorn in the flesh appointed him, some bitter bodily trial, no doubt, though we know not exactly what it was.  But this we know, — he besought the Lord thrice that it might be removed; yet it was not taken away (2 Cor. 12:8,9).
   
Now, reader, notwithstanding all these things, did you ever hear of a single child of God who thought his Father did not treat him wisely? No, I am sure you never did.  God’s children would always tell you, in the long run, it was a blessed thing they did not have their own way, and that God had done far better for them than they could have done for themselves.  Yes! And they could tell you, too, that God’s dealings had provided more happiness for them than they ever would have obtained themselves, and that His way, however dark at times, was the way of pleasantness and the path of peace.
   
I ask you to lay to heart the lesson which God’s dealings with His people is meant to teach you.  Fear not to withhold from your child anything you think will do him harm, whatever his own wishes may be.  This is God’s plan.  Hesitate not to lay on him commands, of which he may not at present see the wisdom, and to guide him in ways which may not now seem reasonable to his mind.  This is God’s plan.
   
Shrink not from chastising and correcting him whenever you see his soul’s health requires it, however painful it may be to your feelings; and remember medicines for the mind must not be rejected because they are bitter.  This is God’s plan.
   
And be not afraid, above all, that such a plan of training will make your child unhappy.  I warn you against this delusion. Depend on it, there is no surer road to unhappiness than always having our own way.  To have our wills checked and denied is a blessed thing for us; it makes us value enjoyments when they come. To be indulged perpetually is the way to be made selfish; and selfish people and spoiled children, believe me, are seldom happy.
   
Reader, be not wiser than God; — train your children as He trains His.

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Oh my we live in a day of a plethora of information. The bookshelves are lined with books written by men and women who have their own opinion on how you should raise your children. Now even in the public school systems we have teachers and principles telling you how you should raise your children. They want you to drug them if they cause too much trouble and yet they don't want you to bust their rear end. No don't discipline, just pop a pill. 

We have become a society that is so consumed with outward behavior and appearance that we have shut down the soul. We are living in a generation of adults who were raised by parents who thought they knew better than God... the Dr Spock generation. This was the beginning of millions of books telling you how to raise your children though they had never met you or your child...

Quite possibly there might be some good information in these child rearing books but all information needs to be weighed up against the plumb line of the Word of God. If it doesn't line up it needs cast down and cast out. 

Let God teach you how to raise your children. Raise them the way He raised His. Everything you will ever need to know, for any situation... it's all there if you will let Him show you. He can't wait to teach you and show you what to do. He wants to direct you in the truth. He wants you to be good, solid, wise, loving, patient, kind parents who raise strong healthy minded children. 

Study the proverbs.

Study the way the parents recorded in Scripture responded to their children. See what pleased God and what dishonored God. God doesn't hide the mistakes of His people. Learn from their mistakes. See what children succeeded and see who failed. Find out what each parent did, or didn't do, that made the difference. 

Lay all the other books aside, the ideas and interpretations of man, and pick up the Bible first, let all else be second. Trust God's instructions no matter how hard they may seem to carry out... His ways are best. He knows what He is doing. Trust Him and let Him do it.

Train Up A Child Day 12

This one is a good one...
This twelfth point is one that our entire nation is currently reaping the consequences...

Train Up A Child Day Twelve

12.  Train them with a constant fear of over-indulgence.
   
This is the one point of all on which you have most need to be on your guard.  It is natural to be tender and affectionate towards your own flesh and blood, and it is the excess of this very tenderness and affection which you have to fear.  Take heed that it does not make you blind to your children’s faults, and deaf to all advice about them.  Take heed lest it make you overlook bad conduct, rather than have the pain of inflicting punishment and correction.
   
I know well that punishment and correction are disagreeable things.  Nothing is more unpleasant than giving pain to those we love, and calling forth their tears.  But so long as hearts are what hearts are, it is vain to suppose, as a general rule, that children can ever be brought up without correction.
   
Spoiling is a very expressive word, and sadly full of meaning. Now it is the shortest way to spoil children to let them have their own way, — to allow them to do wrong and not to punish them for it.  Believe me, you must not do it, whatever pain it may cost you unless you wish to ruin your children’s souls.
   
You cannot say that Scripture does not speak expressly on this subject: "He that spareth his rod, hateth his son; but he that loveth him, chasteneth him betimes" (Prov. 13:24). "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying" (Prov. 19:18).  "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child: but the rod of correction shall drive it from him" (Prov. 22:15).  "Withhold not correction from the child, for if thou beatest him with the rod he shall not die.  Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell" (Prov. 23:13,14).  "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." "Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest, yea, he shall give delight to thy soul" (Prov. 29:15,17).
   
How strong and forcible are these texts! How melancholy is the fact, that in many Christian families they seem almost unknown! Their children need reproof, but it is hardly ever given; they need correction, but it is hardly ever employed.  And yet this book of Proverbs is not obsolete and unfit for Christians.  It is given by inspiration of God, and profitable.  It is given for our learning, even as the Epistles to the Romans and Ephesians. Surely the believer who brings up his children without attention to its counsel is making himself wise above that which is written, and greatly errs.
   
Fathers and mothers, I tell you plainly, if you never punish your children when they are in fault, you are doing them a grievous wrong.  I warn you, this is the rock on which the saints of God, in every age, have only too frequently made shipwreck. 

I would fain persuade you to be wise in time, and keep clear of it. See it in Eli’s case.  His sons Hophni and Phinehas "made themselves vile, and he restrained them not." He gave them no more than a tame and lukewarm reproof, when he ought to have rebuked them sharply.  In one word, he honoured his sons above God. And what was the end of these things? He lived to hear of the death of both his sons in battle, and his own grey hairs were brought down with sorrow to the grave (1 Sam. 2:22-29, 3:13).
   
See, too, the case of David.  Who can read without pain the history of his children, and their sins? Amnon’s incest, — Absalom’s murder and proud rebellion, — Adonijah’s scheming ambition: truly these were grievous wounds for the man after God’s own heart to receive from his own house.  But was there no fault on his side? I fear there can be no doubt there was.  I find a clue to it all in the account of Adonijah in 1 Kings 1:6: "His father had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so?" There was the foundation of all the mischief.  David was an over-indulgent father, — a father who let his children have their own way, — and he reaped according as he had sown.
   
Parents, I beseech you, for your children’s sake, beware of over-indulgence.  I call on you to remember, it is your first duty to consult their real interests, and not their fancies and likings; — to train them, not to humour them — to profit, not merely to please.
   
You must not give way to every wish and caprice of your child’s mind, however much you may love him.  You must not let him suppose his will is to be everything, and that he has only to desire a thing and it will be done.  Do not, I pray you, make your children idols, lest God should take them away, and break your idol, just to convince you of your folly.
   
Learn to say "No" to your children.  Show them that you are able to refuse whatever you think is not fit for them. Show them that you are ready to punish disobedience, and that when you speak of punishment, you are not only ready to threaten, but also to perform.  Do not threaten too much.  Threatened folks, and threatened faults, live long.  Punish seldom, but really and in good earnest, — frequent and slight punishment is a wretched system indeed. 
   
Beware of letting small faults pass unnoticed under the idea "it is a little one." There are no little things in training children; all are important.  Little weeds need plucking up as much as any.  Leave them alone, and they will soon be great.

Reader, if there be any point which deserves your attention, believe me, it is this one.  It is one that will give you trouble, I know.  But if you do not take trouble with your children when they are young, they will give you trouble when they are old. Choose which you prefer.

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I would love nothing more than to just give my children every thing that makes them smile at me and jump in my arms with elated excitement over their newest "yes" to whatever they have requested... but this is something that I just cannot do... no matter how much I want to.

My Bekah wants an email account... the answer is no.

My Shelby wants a facebook page and a cell phone... the answer is no.

The cell phone would make my life much easier... because I share my phone with them... which means I get text messages and phone calls from 7 to 11 year old girls all the time... but my Shelby just does not need a phone yet and my Bekah is not ready for an email account and they are not getting one just because it will make my life easier or make them happy.

One thing I learned as a parent early on was that when I punished my children I was also punishing me. It affected my life, my plans, my day, my schedule to discipline them accordingly. And yes I learned this parental punishment increases as they get older. But it must be done. My children's life and their future literally do depend on it.