I love the beach.
I sit out there and watch the waves and listen to them break up on the shore and feel the beach breeze on my face and I just melt into it with a deep breath in and slow exhale out. The beauty of His creation and the splendor of His majesty. I sat out with my girls on the swing one morning and we read from the book of Job...
"Or who enclosed the sea with doors
When, bursting forth, it went out from the womb;
When I made a cloud its garment
And thick darkness its swaddling band,
And I placed boundaries on it
And set a bolt and doors,
And I said, ‘Thus far you shall come, but no farther;
And here shall your proud waves stop’?
When, bursting forth, it went out from the womb;
When I made a cloud its garment
And thick darkness its swaddling band,
And I placed boundaries on it
And set a bolt and doors,
And I said, ‘Thus far you shall come, but no farther;
And here shall your proud waves stop’?
Job 38:8-11
Sitting out there this week I selfishly told God that I would be completely okay if He chose to call our family to ministry at the beach. However, deep down I know that the beach would not have the same effect if it was the norm of my life instead of the time of momentary escape.
Not that I don't love my life, but sometimes it's just nice to downsize and simplify and lay all the "stuff" of life aside and just focus on worshipping my God and enjoying the family that He has given me. It's so easy to let the things of ministry and family become a burden of responsibility instead of an outworking of inward love and devotion.
It's so very easy to allow the distractions of life make me feel as if they are sucking the opportunity of worshipping my God right out of me. I can feel the "Ugh!" rising up in my throat now as my mind already jumps to the list of commitments that come with tomorrow... and even some that I really probably should go ahead and take care of tonight... but I must get all this out of my mind and heart into a page or the stirring will not stop and I will never get to sleep. (This blog has become my journal instead of my journal becoming the blog... not sure yet if that's a God thing, a good thing, or a good-grief thing.)
There really is nothing I had rather do than write and teach about my God. The "Ugh!" rises up for all things that interrupt that. I know it should not be that way, because I am to do all things as unto the Lord... all things includes cooking supper for my family (no matter the battle scars I add to my body from it), it includes washing the dishes, the laundry, the floors, the bathrooms, it includes being a taxi, a doctor, a counselor, a friend, a vet, and the bestes dog hair sweeper upper in the county.
Sometimes we just have to step back and remember the why and trust in the Who and know that our God is with us and that He understands our life distractions and we all just simply were not called into a full-time paid ministry position.
Although in all honesty I have at times asked God why He didn't make me a man so that I could have held that position (and it's not the "position" but just the "permission" to go into a room and shut the door and say I am studying, I'll come out when I am done, I get up at 5:30-6am and hope to get a couple of undistracted hours in before the house wakes up).... or even let us switch denominations so that I could justify me holding such a position, then I could afford a maid to do all this other stuff that I see as distractions... then I would be jealous of the maid, because my family would see her as the one who is meeting their needs and not me... oh well.
Yes the craziness of my thought flow...
I love what I read this week in The Pursuit of God by AW Tozer:
Distractions may hinder, but once the heart is committed to Him, after each excursion away from Him, the attention will return again and rest upon Him like a wandering bird coming back to its window.
I would emphasize this one committal, this one great volitional act which establishes the heart's intention to gaze forever upon Jesus. God takes this intention for our choice and makes what allowances He must for the thousand distractions which beset us in this evil world. He knows that we have set the direction of our hearts toward Jesus...
And Jesus knowing their thoughts... Matthew 9:4
But Jesus, knowing what they were thinking in their heart,... Luke 9:47
I would have to say that one of the most freeing realizations ever is the fact that now that I am in Christ and I desire to honor Him and live a life worthy of His calling I find peace instead of fear when I think of Him knowing my thoughts and my heart. There was a day when I sought to hide what was in my heart, when I wanted it covered up and hidden from God. I wanted God to look at all the good things I had done and judge me by them... but now I cry out to Him to judge me by my heart because I know my works will never cut it.
There are too many distractions for whole works devotions... but never to many distractions for whole hearted devotion...
So even though I very much enjoyed my momentary escape of beach bliss. The chair sits empty once again at the shore while I get back to the things of my life. There are bills to pay, lessons to plan, weddings to attend, birthday presents to purchase, laundry to wash, rooms to clean, budgets to balance, classes to teach, meals to cook, kids to cuddle, husband to love, dog to yell at, and above all a mighty and awesome and understanding God to worship and serve with all my heart who sees me for me and loves me unconditionally.
