Sunday, July 24, 2011

New Attitude

I promise I have good days. I have absolutely glorious days actually. Or maybe I should say that I have absolutely glorious moments in somewhat good every days...
This morning started well. I was up when the alarm went off. The coffee was making, I actually hung some laundry out on the line while the coffee was finishing up and walked back inside to the ding of the ready pot. I gathered my things and headed out to my sacred spot outside to sit with my Lord, to pray, and to go over my morning lesson in Luke 2 one more time.
All was going well.
I had an 8am teachers meeting this morning. I knew this would cut into my sacred morning time... but I had resounded that I would have a good attitude and would be on time. My prayer, well I'll just share a little of it with you...

Oh Father,
Guard my ways carefully, watch that there not be a rebellious spirit rise up in me or a spirit of grumbling and complaining. That would be it in a nutshell wouldn't it? Grumbling, rebellion, ungratefulness... it's not pretty. Oh Father guard my mouth today...

Hmmmpph... guess how I left the house this wonderful morning late for my 8am meeting?

Yes, all was great until it came time to put clothing on this body. I stood in the closet staring at my clothes knowing it would be one of those days, but somehow unable to stop it. I walked out of the closet and decided that I would deal with that later... hair and make-up first.

Now back to the closet. The problem... yes if you recall it's the week that nothing fits right. It's the week that the mere thought of anything form fitting to my midsection makes me cramp and gain 10lbs. This is the week that my doctor's recommended hysterectomy sounds more and more tempting, but then there's that whole hope of a slight miraculous conception that I'm holding on to... so I still just cannot bring myself to do the hysterectomy yet. So I continue with this struggle of mine, of hormone induced emotional ick and physical exhaustion and painful uncomfortablness.

But you see it wasn't my fault I was allowing this to control me. Of course not! It could not possibly be me. It was this ridiculous 8am meeting. I mean really how dare they not accommodate me in the planning of this meeting. After morning worship would be much better for me... so everyone needs to adjust to my schedule... right?

Well I grumble and complain to myself all the way to church. Still visibly peterbed you might say as I run in and grab a seat. My attitude so needed adjusted. I was not going to do this! I knew this could happen today and I had told myself this would not happen. I had told myself I was going to go to the meeting and be excited about the upcoming changes and new year and be ultra supportive and submitting. NOT!

And worse, I left my poor husband at home with a daughter who had picked up my mood as I walked out the door. They got to church and my husband is frowning and my beautiful daughter has showed up with a tear streaked face because she too had stood in front of the closet door and had a meltdown over what to wear to church.

Another what not to wear tip: A Bad Attitude      

I used to think I was a pretty good old girl, a pretty good catch, until I started writing this blog...
I realize I am a mess... really just a flat out mess.
It's a good thing that God takes our mess and makes it our message.
But hey, if I wasn't a mess, I wouldn't need a Messiah.

I would say that maybe tomorrow you will get a blog post that is a ray of sunshine and tells you all about how great and wonderful it is to be me. I would say that... but tomorrow is mammogram day. So don't get your britches in a wad waiting on that ray of sunshine post...  :-)

I promise I have good days... I really do!

So did God not answer my morning prayer?
Yes, He did answer it.
I asked Him to watch for me and He did indeed watch and He let me know the whole time He was watching... and now I am confessing and resting in His forgiveness and next time I will know to listen when He is watching and stop and pray for strength to put to death these deeds of my flesh.

I gotta new attitude :-) Going old school!

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