Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Ugh Nightmares!

When I was younger I used to be able to handle the "scary movie" or at least I thought I was handling them anyway. I remember one that I used to watch that was called Nightmare on Elm Street. These "nightmares" centered around blood and gore and other just really gross stuff. This was Hollywood's idea of a nightmare.

As a grown woman and a mother of three I learned along time ago that real life was scary enough, I did not need Hollywood helping me out in the nightmare area. My own mind was sufficient enough to scare me to death. I certainly did not need to visit Freddie, Michael, Jason, or the Candyman to have the snot scared out of me. I also know there are demons, they are real, the Bible tells me that plainly. I don't need Hollywood's depiction of them, I'll just take God's word and I'll learn from those who have been a part of casting them out, not glorifying them for money.

Last night I had one of my scariest nightmares, this is a repeated one, but it comes in different forms, but it's the same theme. I am in a busy place with my girls, last night it reminded me of New Orleans, but it was a festival time, there were acrobats and those people that juggle while walking on really tall stilts, and people everywhere. I had both my girls and we were trying to find something or someone, I don't remember, all I remember is looking down and Bekah was gone.

I then hit panic. I take a death grip on Shelby as I look frantically for Bekah, then I turn around and I now have my nieces and nephews and even some of the kids from our church with me. I want to run to find Bekah, but I can't now because the rest of the children with me wouldn't be able to keep up and I fear losing one of them. I finally begin to scream Bekah's name and the place just seems to magnify in size and the crowd of people multiplies, my heart is pounding, and I can't breathe, and at the same time I don't want to scare or lose the other children.

Finally something in me begins to register and I think "Oh God let this be a dream, please let it be a dream!" I manage to wake myself up and look and my Bekah and my Shelby are safe in the bed asleep.

Deep sigh of relief...

Yes, I still had to look at them before my heart stopped pounding. Just waking and discovering I was in a dream was not enough. I wanted physical evidence that they were safe under my wing.

As a wife and mother, this is my nightmare.

I do not fear to the point of nightmares about my child being sick or hurt, I do not want them sick or hurt, but this does not cause me to wake up in a heart pounding cold sweat. However, losing my children, having someone steal my children, this is my nightmare. I can't stand the thought of it. This indeed gives me nights filled with sheer terror.

When David arose in the morning,
the word of the LORD came to the prophet Gad,
David’s seer, saying,  “Go and speak to David,
‘Thus the LORD says, “I am offering you three things;
choose for yourself one of them, which I will do to you.”’
So Gad came to David and told him,
and said to him,
“Shall seven years of famine come to you in your land?
Or will you flee three months before your foes while they pursue you?
Or shall there be three days’ pestilence in your land?
Now consider and see
what answer I shall return to Him who sent me.” 
Then David said to Gad,
“I am in great distress.
Let us now fall into the hand of the LORD
for His mercies are great,
but do not let me fall into the hand of man.”
2 Samuel 24:11-14

This is one of my prayers to my God. "Father, please let my children fall into Your hands, for Your mercy is great, please do not let them fall into the hands of man." For me there is no worse thing than to not know where my children are or who has them.

It's just not natural for a mother to not have all her chicks under her wing. This is why the hen will peck your eyes out and the dog bite your hand off and the bear knock your head off. Don't mess with the babies! 

Ecclesiastes 3:3 says...
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.

I joke that this momma will have a prison ministry if anyone ever lays a hand on one of my babies... but then again not so sure I am really joking. 

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