Saturday, November 19, 2011

Leave to Cleave

When Mother continued to counsel us against our plans, James faced the issue head-on. One night when he was over for super, he said to my mother, very politely and respectfully, "Ma'am, I cannot let you be in charge of this relationship. You will not be in charge of our wedding or our marriage. This is what we want to do, and if we have to do it totally on our own, we will. And if there's no ceremony, it doesn't matter.
~ Betty Robison from Living in Love

Oh I read this and I just wanted to cheer James and Betty on.
You go James! Thank you for being a man and stepping up and speaking for your family. And Betty way to stand by your man and let him lead.

I have seen almost marriages that should have been marriages crumble before they even had a chance to begin because Momma was not willing to let her baby be an adult... and now most of those are currently living in sexual sin and broken homes anyway... because the Momma used the excuse of fear of failure before the marriage even had a chance to begin and attempt success...

However, I suppose the real issue is the boy who was not willing to become a man and chose to let Momma be boss.

We are currently in a generation that simply blows my mind and makes me shake my head in complete disbelief and frustration. A generation full of parents who counsel their children against marriage...

I mean the last time I checked it was God who said

 Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm,
but how can one be warm alone? 
And if one can overpower him who is alone,
two can resist him.
A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
Ecclesiastes 4:11-12

Why on earth would you not want your child in the power of a three-cord strand?
Most parents today have instilled in their children that they must do A, B, and C before they get married and if Mr or Mrs right comes along before they have gotten to C, well if they are "really the one" then they will wait until you finish your A, B, and C plan before you get married. 

Exactly where in God's Word do you read of us saying to God, "Okay God here is my A, B, C plan for my life and I am not detouring from it... so send my spouse according to my (and my parent's) plan okay, because if You send them before hand I am just so sorry but Your plan will have to wait on mine"  

Why on earth would parents rather have their child living in rebellion to God, in sin against their own bodies and sinning against the body of another, than enter into the God blessed and ordained covenant of marriage? It makes absolutely no sense to me. 

When young men and women have sinned against God and each other and God has chosen in this sin to create the blessing of life and these two have said that they have chosen to get married what I hear from so many these days is, "Well I am just not sure marriage is the answer..."

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother,
and be joined to his wife;
and they shall become one flesh. 
And the man and his wife were both naked
and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:24

Exactly when did we decide that marriage was not the answer when God said in marriage they were not ashamed... What exactly is wrong with allowing this young couple the opportunity to give this life they have created together a shot?
Yes it might end in divorce... but you know what, it might not.
Yes they might struggle in life. But who doesn't?
So what if they are "so young", our idea of "so young" today is anyone under thirty, it's quite ridiculous if I do say so myself.

My grandmother was married to my grandfather at 15 and they were happily married and obviously head over heals in love with each other until death did them part. My mother was married to my father at 16, she graduated high school as a married woman and yes, today my parents are still head over heals in love with each other.   

My sister and her husband were right out of high school and working at Dairy Queen when God chose to create life out of wedlock within their rebellion and they chose to get married. My brother-in law worked two and three jobs for the first few years of their marriage to support his family so my sister could stay at home with their children. They are still happily married and obviously head over heels in love with each other today. Did they struggle? My goodness yes they did, but they learned that God is faithful and He has always met their needs.

To me, this counsel against marriage, seems to be playing right along with the warning given to us in Scripture concerning the last days...

men who forbid marriage
and advocate abstaining from foods which God has created
to be gratefully shared in by those who believe and know the truth. 
For everything created by God is good,
and nothing is to be rejected
if it is received with gratitude;
1 Timothy 4:3-4

I do believe it was God who created marriage.
We tell our children don't get married until you've got your own life just right. 
Ever wondered if this idea might have lead into the false concept that you have to get your own life just right before you can enter into a covenant with Christ?
Just something to think about...

So moms and dads... offer wise counsel, but offer it according to the Word of God. Be willing to cut the apron strings. Be willing to let your children be adults.

I had a dear friend tell me a story about how her youngest child was very sick when he was baby and she was concerned that now he was not walking as she believed he should be by the age he was at this time. She expressed her concern to her child's pediatrician at the child's check-up and the doctor lovingly told her, "if you want your son to learn to walk you have to put him down."

For our children to learn to walk we have to put them down and be willing to let them fall...

And children, young men and women, be adults. Men be the head of your home and leader of your family and let your wife or future wife know that you are capable of standing strong. And woman, let your man be a man, and confidently stand by him and show him that you trust him to lead your family.

And in closing, a word from Betty...

While firm, he was gracious, and we certainly didn't want to sever our relationship with my parents, but the time had come to change the nature of that relationship. We wanted an open door to wise counsel, but we didn't want the open door to include intrusive control... Every couple should seek to maintain a good relationship with their parents but not at the expense of their own marriage. We had to leave in order to cleave.
~ Betty Robison

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