Man of My Dreams

The evidence of a man who loves Jesus is not found in conquering a specific sin struggle, but rather in his endurance in the fight.

Don’t look for the perfectly healed champion.  He’s already waiting for you in Heaven.

Look for they guy who is covered with scars from the fight.  Look for the guy who is bloody and bleeding with this huge grin on his face because he’s confident that the war is already won.  Don’t stare at each other too long.  Link arms or get back-to-back so you can make each other stronger before the next attack.
Then fight your way home to your true Hero.

~ thoughts from fabs

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I read this and I was reminded of a poem I wrote on October 14, 1998. This poem I wrote about my husband when he was still just my boyfriend :-)

I feel myself falling

I feel myself letting go

I feel myself trusting in a way that I've never trusted before

I feel myself loving

I feel it deep in my soul

I feel my heart completed in a way that I've never known

I feel strong hands

I feel strong arms

I feel I now have a shoulder I can rely and lean on

I feel complete

I feel whole

I feel I have finally found what I've always searched for.

When I penned this little poem as a head-over-heels-in-love young girl I thought I knew what love was... but in truth... I had a lot to learn... and my God has been faithful to teach me. 

I can truly say that I still feel this same way about my husband today. However there have been moments when I have not always felt that way. Our marriage has been a roller coaster ride... but we were both thrill seekers when we met and I guess we just carried that adrenaline junkie mess right into our marriage somehow.  

We didn't start out as friends either... we just... well started out. So it has taken a while to build the friendship area of our marriage... because I didn't really make friends easy... I could make acquaintances all day but friends, that was a different story. Really letting someone in is scary.

So our marriage has been a roller coaster ride of emotion at times... something I have chosen to call passion. My husband thinks that is quite funny. So he says that from now on whenever we have a "heated discussion" he is just going to look at me and say "it's passion, baby" and well who could keep a straight face at that?

I believe love comes with passion.

Not the Hollywood movie rated X (or pg-13 theses days) passion... but the suffering of Christ passion.

Love is about sacrifice... and suffering... and salvation.

My husband was used by God to bring me unto salvation. I have no doubt about that. Had I not have met this man and been swept off my feet by him... I cannot even imagine the depths of depravity I might have entered into. I was wide open to Satan himself because I was convinced God would never want me again.

One of my God's steps in opening my eyes to His love for me was sending me this man.

At the same time, had this man managed to be able to meet all my needs, and comfort me at all times, and never leave in me want, hungering from something deeper, and even more real... well I don't think I would have responded to the calling of my Savior. I would have been comfortable in my temporary pleasures.

As I was wrapped up in this man's arms and resting in his strength and warmth about me last night, he had work early the next morning and was heading to bed early, and I still had rippin' and rompin' kids to get settled and in bed, but he said, "You know we had to be meant for each other because I still am not tired of holding you, You know sometimes you just get tired of being around people when you have been around them alot, but I am not tired of you."

Yes, I still love this man.
No, life has not been perfect... but it's been "passion" packed :-)

When I look at him and think about our marriage I sit at the feet of my Christ in an utter amazement at the beauty He was able to make out of the mess of us.

Two messed up souls... doing things all wrong... but some how God's grace poured out on us and His divine intervention came down in floods of mercy and we are choosing to trust Christ to keep it all running somehow.

We are far from perfect.
Our marriage is far from perfect.
But it truly gets sweeter and sweeter with each leap of faith of saying "I do" again one more day...

We do life together.
For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...
We both carry our battle scars but we both have chosen to stay and stand and fight.
Remembering that we battle not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces of darkness.

This is my man.
The man of my dreams.
And each day He becomes more and more what I was always searching for because with each day he becomes more and more like my Jesus.