Thursday, July 14, 2011

Humility or Humiliation

This week has been a trying week... as is painfully obvious from most of my past posts.
I am still not sure if it is to be a week of humility or a week of humiliation.

The week began with Monday bringing driving school.
Wednesday was the whole realtor freak out thing.
And now today... I have to go to THAT doctor. Ladies you know the one.
Then Saturday I get to look forward to going to driving school... again.
Thank God for Sunday!

I shared in my last post that I would give more info into my "blessed time" at church Wednesday night, so here it is, it concerns what I face today... you know... THAT doctor.

Yes, the ob/gyn today. I hate going to see this doctor.

I walked into church visibly not okay... like I said, I just don't have the time or energy for games concerning putting on a face of fine when all just is not fine. One of my most favorite persons ever came up and said, "You look like you could use a hug." And my answer, "Yes! I could use a hug"
And I got a hug :-)

This broke the ice for the conversation to begin... you see my day was not going good at the moment and then I knew that tomorrow would not be better because of where I knew I had to go.
So as I shared what I had to look forward to today, another of my favorite persons ever, replied "I always take myself out to a nice lunch on this day so I know I got something to look forward to."
To which I replied "Oh I know I just feel so violated"

Then the mention came of the leg position and we know inside we are crying out "No! No! Knees together! Knees together!"

By this time at least four other ladies had joined our conversation as we shared the emotional horrors of this day:
The multiple 2 hour showers (we discussed how it would really be best if they would just install showers at the clinic, then you could get one immediately before you go in and immediately after it's over)
The nervousness (this is just not fun at all)
The uncomfortableness (you are left so vulnerable)
The embarrassment (and it's just so awkward)
The emotional stress of just knowing you have to go...

I am sure that some of my emotionalness of the week has centered around knowing this day was in my very near future. Yes I know I am married. Yes I know this woman delivered both my children. But this is awkward nonetheless.

Not to mention I still have this hidden hope deep in my heart that one day God will just choose to reverse my tubal and just decide to begin knitting a life together in my womb. I even justify this thought with a "You know God that would really show the unsaved how awesome You are."
Unfortunately I am coming to realize that sometimes decisions made in the flesh, without consulting God, come with consequences He sometimes chooses to not erase on this earth in this life...

Then there is the slight fear that something will be found wrong. You know this is a standard yearly biopsy. It is serious business and I have already faced cancer scares with this before...

Ugh not to mention the breast exam... I am only 34 and am already in the mammogram line due to already found lumps.

This is just not a good time at all...

Therefore, gentlemen, husbands, any future husbands that might be reading this... when this time of the year rolls around for your wife. Do something extra nice for her that week... something non-sexual please, because I guarantee you this is not a week that she is feeling free and sexy.
My husband came in this morning from work with ingredients to make a meal with one of my favorite foods. He's a good man :-)

So how was Wednesday night at church a "blessed time"?
Plain and simple.
Just laughter.
Laughing about the issues of life that make us uncomfortable.
Laughing because as we share these moments we realize that maybe, just maybe, we are not the only crazies out there :-)

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