Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Good Wife's Guide Review

I was asked by Darlene Schacht to read the rough draft version of her new book The Good Wife's Guide. I have been following her blog, Time-Warp Wife, for about six months. I love how she is trying to bring us ladies back to who God created us to be. In the past few decades I have to agree with her that we have gotten off focus as women.

You see I was once queen of the She-Woman-Man-Haters Club. To the point of writing college papers on the subjugation and degradation of women by our society. I researched and filled my head with every bit of information I could gather to fuel and justify my hate of men in general. I had decided that the only one of any count was my Daddy.

I despised the fact of the double-standard that I fully believed existed. I wrote a paper once that I was going to open a restaurant and call it Peckers. The woodpecker would be the store mascot and I would only hire male waiters and they would have to serve shirtless in tight red shorts. You see I decided that men should be just as objectified and degraded as women. Equal degradation was my plan.

My college papers on The Scarlet Letter and Maggie, A Girl of the Streets were asked to be kept by my professors to use as examples in future classrooms. Trust me, I was one fired-up, red-headed female. I was tired of the objectification of women. I was tired of not being physically strong enough to fight off an attacker. I was tired of being sexually harassed. I was tired of a woman being called a whore for the same thing that got a man called the hero of the locker room. I was tired of being a woman.

I was determined that I would never be dependant upon any man. I would never be a "kept" woman. I would do what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted. I didn't need a man for anything. I mean nothing. I could even have a child without one if I wanted... they had test tubes for the only part of a man that was worth anything to me.

Oh me, I was tired.
I was tired, mad, and... broken.

I was so tired that I cried when I found out I was carrying a girl when I was pregnant with my Shelby. I stayed in denial the entire pregnancy. I wanted a boy. I did not want a daughter who would have to face this world that I had faced. I was scared to death that she would be hurt, abused, harassed, condemned. I was terrified.

In my terror I surrounded myself with invisible walls of protection and drowned my fears and demons in alcohol (btw-didn't drink when I was pregnant) and "girl power". My breaking point came in my second year of marriage.  My husband and I had been fighting and he walked out the door and he looked at me and said "Your problem is you hate men! Which means you will never really love me because I am a man!"

This hit me like a brick in the head.
This led me to really pick up my Bible for the first time in twelve years.
This truth led me back to the God-Man.

When I fell in love with the God-Man, I began to heal from my hate. I began to fall in love with my husband in a deeper and truer way. I began to learn what it really meant to be a woman. I began to learn how the fact that I was called a helper to my husband by God did not make me inferior to him or any other man.

I learned the beauty in Biblical submission and I learned the peace that comes in shifting a burden that I was never meant to carry over to the one who was designed for it. It has not always been easy nor has the journey always been fun, but it has been beneficial and profitable.

I don't know were you are right now in your womanhood. You might still be a member of the She-Woman-Man-Haters Club or maybe you are a new bride or maybe you have been a bride for a while, but have been trying to pull the groom's side for many years... where ever you are... you are woman. You are created in the image of God and you are of great value and worth and your place as woman in your home and in this world is of vital importance.

Discover what it means to be a woman as God created you.
Discover what it means to be a wife as God created you.
Discover what it means to be a mother as God created you.

A good place to get a start would be with Darlene's new book, The Good Wife's Guide.
There is much truth to glean from the book.
There are some pretty neat tips in how to work on your role as woman, wife, and mother.
No you may not be able to meet all the offered advice... all of our families have different routines and schedules... but you can take her ideas and suggestions and modify them to fit the dynamics of your family.

But precious one first and foremost... the best guide of learning how to be the woman that God designed you to be is found in His Word... back every bit of human advice you ever recieve up with His Word... if it can't be backed up with the absolute truth of God... then throw it out. Declutter! 


  1. Wow! When I had my first child and it was a girl, my first emotion was guilt that I had given birth to a girl not a boy. I have had a few ups and downs, I have never considered myself a feminist or a man-hater, but I do find loving incredibly difficult. And as quickly as I have a memory of what God has taught me and how I should show love to my husband like Jesus would, the memory goes and I forget how to love again!

    I have just finished reading through Job and put up a short post on his wife

  2. I am currently teaching through the book of Job:-)
    You know, I was watching a Hallmark movie during Christmas and in it this little girl asked a woman, "Why is loving someone so scary?" and the woman answered "I guess because you can't make them love you back"
    I think we do have a hard time loving because we fear not being loved back... that's why we have to learn to lo love others through the love that God has already given us... He loved us first and He had no guarantee that we would love Him back... and many don't, but He loves them anyway.
    And I think this is where we have to stay, wrapped up in the secure love of God, and then walk in obedience to that love, and let the "feeling" of love come and go without allowing it to control us.
    We won't always "feel" love for our husbands... but if we walk in love (1 Corin 13 love) then we are still loving them and when we falter or fail let God pull you up and start again knowing that you are forgiven and the next moment is an opportunity to love again

  3. I came to your blog from Jon Acuff’s site. He has created a tremendous forum for sharing our blogs and impacting more people with them.

    I hope my blog can be an encouragement to you also.

    I write it for encouragement and motivation daily.

    Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to watching the connections grow!