Friday, August 5, 2011

You Can Have Me

I have spent the past week preparing myself to receive the worst news today.
This morning on the way to the hospital, as I was singing songs of praise to my Creator, my Maker, the song by the Sidewalk Prophets, You Can Have Me, came on the radio and as I drove and sang, I prayed.
I was ready.
Or at least I told myself I was.
I was ready to go through whatever God had waiting for me with these tests.
I told Him that I would count it all joy.
I told Him that I would be honored to know the joy of His suffering.
He could have me.
I would go through whatever He needed me to go through to conform me into the image of Christ.
I would go through it with grace and be a testimony of His love in the midst of whatever trials this life brings.
I was geared up and ready to fight for the glory of Christ and the increase of His kingdom. If it takes death working in me to bring eternal life to someone else, God I am ready...
Or at least I believe I think I am...

"So death works in us,
but life in you."
2 Corinthians 4:12

After the first test, they said there was no reason for the second.
They said this with a smile... so I assume it was good news.
So now I wait for the final word... but it all looks very positive, so many prayers have been answered.
Thank you for yours :-)

But now... after having geared up for the fight... I feel almost as if God did not count me as worthy to carry this cross.
I know.
How crazy is that? To desire to be able to rejoice in the fact that I was allowed to suffer for His sake...
Well maybe it's not too crazy.

"They took his advice; and after calling the apostles in,
they flogged them
and ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus,
and then released them. 
So they went on their way from the presence of the Council,
rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name. 
And every day, in the temple and from house to house,
they kept right on teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ."  
Acts 5:40-42

The truth is death still works in me so that life may work in others. Death works in us every time we have layed down our own wants, desires, and needs for the benefit of another. It's just that as for me, it doesn't look like it will be this way at this time. Oh, but I think, maybe, I am a little more confident in my question that if He were to ask for my life, would I freely give it as He gave His...

Have you ever considered an illness in that way?
As a way to bring glory to God, instead of an attack from Satan?
This was my choice in this possibility.
I would count it all joy to be an example of living in dying because I know that to live is Christ, and to die is gain (Phil 1:21).

Yes, Father of Love You can have me


  1. A beautiful attitude -- "You can have me." So happy the answer was "healthy." God is as good as He would have been if the answer was different. Don't you just love that?

  2. Your post reminded me of the story in Genesis of Abraham surrendering to the sacrifice of his son, Isaac. He went forth, preparing for the sacrifice, as hard as it must have been. He didn't question God, he simply gave the same attitude that you have described as you surrendered yourself to whatever will the Lord had for your circumstance. In the end, there was no need for the sacrifice of Isaac, for the Lord saw Abraham's heart, and his willingness to surrender at God's request.

    We know how God felt about Abraham as he is spoken of throughout God's word. Never does it mention that the sacrifice didn't happen because He felt Abraham was inadequate. Quite the contrary.

    Take it not only as answered prayers from any prayer warriors that interceded on your behalf, but quite possibly an honor that the Lord sees your heart, and willingness to surrender regardless of cost.

    God bless you.

  3. Pamela, yes I do love knowing that we can trust that no matter what God's answer is, it is always good, and always worthy of our praise... what a mighty God we serve :-)

  4. Jennifer, thank you for that reminder of Abraham and thank you for the blessing of that comment... it brought me to tears